Stories of Influence- A Family of Men: My Journey

A Family of Men: My Journey

  God's Fault As an entrepreneur and small business owner, I often work in isolation. In 2004, I had the privilege of learning about the lucrative business of foreclosure property maintenance. I had no idea that the next eight years would be a whirlwind of activity with an explosion of work that would tax every part of me and my family. By the fall of 2011, the consistent 80 to 100-hour workweeks and extensive travel had taken its toll on me. I felt trapped, hopeless, alone, and abandoned by God. I had not had time to invest in friendships. I did not have time to have meaningful devotions. In my estimation, God opened the door to start the business (closing all of the other doors along the way). The heavy demands of clients contracts were "industry standard" so God must have realized that I would not have time for daily prayer and Bible study. After all, he knows everything - so he knew that this business would put an exceeding amount of pressure on my time and keep me from having my regular quite time. It was his fault. However, the years of constant pressure had brought me to a breaking point. I realized that I was lonely. Aside from my wife and family, I had no real connections. Even my relationship with my wife and kids was strained because I was always short-tempered from of the stress created by my clients and contractors. I had been introduced to Journey groups several years before - and had even attempted to join one a year earlier. Work had forced me to drop out after the first meeting. The impact of that one meeting though, had made a permanent impression on me. The group leaders seemed so peaceful. They spoke honestly about their own struggles. I knew that if I were to break out of this frenetic lifestyle, Journey would be the first step.   The First Step So...... I went to the first Journey meeting. I remember sitting around the table looking at a group of men that seemed to be very different from me: old men, young men, and men that I had nothing in common with. I felt out of place. I thought to myself, "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." I couldn't see how these strangers around the table would ever become my friends. It was a great group of men but they seemed so different from me. We were from different worlds, different life stages. The leader said that God always put these groups together, but I though this group might be the exception. However, the three leaders made me feel welcomed and spoke about the steps of the Journey. "This is not a traditional accountability group," one of them said as he started the meeting. "I found that men's accountability groups haven't been effective because the focus is often on each other instead of on a passionate pursuit of intimacy with God. In this Journey, accountability is the result of each of us engaging in an upward focus; pressing in toward a deeper understanding of who God is and how much He loves us. To seek God first and foremost above everything else." When the Guide asked us to go around the table and introduce ourselves, I remember clearly telling the group, "I feel like I've been in a relationship with God so long that I see him like an old man sees an old wife. He's always there, nagging away. But I still love him." Sadly, that was the real state of my heart - my worn out attitude toward a God who was a stranger to me. Growing up in the Church as a missionary's kid, I thought I'd heard it all. After 16 years of Bible classes, Christian college, street witnessing, leading small groups, and reading so many Christian books I had become calloused. Nothing was new. Nothing seemed relevant. I had heard it all before.   Understanding God's Passion Leaving that first meeting, I had an overwhelming impression keep coming to mind. Matthew 6:33. Put me (GOD) first...and I'll take care of everything else. Through the rest of my week at work, that same impression kept coming to mind. "PUT ME FIRST." My normal routine was to wake up at 4:00 am each day and begin filling out all of the paperwork and forms from the prior day's activities because the client required everything be submitted by 8:00am in order to be paid. Nevertheless, that first week of the Journey, I spent the first hour with God instead. I began journaling my prayers, reading through the book, and sitting in the quiet - becoming reacquainted with my God. The quiet times drew me in each morning. It felt so peaceful. (Not without cost, mind you....I began missing some deadlines and had to make a choice of losing money or time with God).             As the weeks progressed, one of the books we read was "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23" by W. Phillip Keller. It changed my entire view of God. Suddenly, I realized that God wasn't that old hag, nagging me - driving me to complete exhaustion with high expectations, strict rules, and unrelenting lists of things to do. He loved me. What did that mean? He LOVED me? It meant that, like the sheep who is cast down and helpless to get back up, he compassionately sets me back up, cleans me off, and cares for my needs. He seeks ME out... to spend time with me, to provide for me, to give me hope. Jeremiah 29:11, "I know that plans I have for you declares the Lord - plans to PROSPER YOU and not to harm you - plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE." He CARES if I'm lonely. He CARES when the job demands more than I can give. He works to guide my steps - even when they don't take me down roads I really want to go down. He's there to embrace me during my disappointment and sense of hopelessness BECAUSE he knows that what is coming is better (although the road may be harder).   A Family of Men The revelation of God's compassion and love for me was life changing. I had known it in my head all along, but the Journey had made God's love real. I was forever changed. Besides my quiet time, the bi-monthly meetings had become a rich time of encouragement with open and honest sharing. I realized that each of these men were experiencing God like I was. I was with a group of men who were passionate about God and loved him like I did. Moving through the Journey I had unexpectedly gained close friendships with a group of amazing [and amazing diverse] men. I did not have to be isolated. God had provided...again. Were became a family of men able to encourage and support each other through life's unexpected bumps, disappointments. God HAD put that group of men together for a reason. In fact, without my Journey family, I don't think I could have made it through some HUGE disappointments I faced during that nine-month period. But that's just another story of God's faithfulness and love...

            Jonathan (JB)