Influencers Weekly Devotional

April 5, 2013

Keep Pushing – Don’t Give up!

by

Rocky Fleming

“Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed (with tears), “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

Mark 9:24 (NIV)

There are times when some challenges in life almost overwhelm us and we are ready to throw in the towel. But, before they do take us down, we seem to summon one more ounce of courage and a hidden resource that keeps us standing, to live and fight another day. There is no doubt in the minds of those men and women who have passed a sleepless night while in their lonely vigil, that it is in those isolated times that we are weakest and our torment is strongest. What do we do when we feel so alone, and even forsaken by the Lover of our Soul? How do we keep pushing toward some invisible goal, when everything in our self cries out, “Stop! Give up! You are forsaken! Walk away! No one cares!”? The following thoughts were recorded in the journal of one of our Influencers. Maybe it will help you to hear his honesty, and find it to encourage you that you are not alone in your lonely vigil, and it is OK to speak to God honestly about your pain? This man is telling God where it hurts, and it helped to clearly state it. See what you think? “To describe my thoughts right now, I would have to say, ‘Weary…Battle Fatigued…Discouraged.’ It seems as if I’ve been in a heavy trial for a long, long period of time, and it doesn’t seem to let up. To try and describe it I would say it is like a man who has been instructed to push a huge boulder up a hill that has a long, demanding grade. In theory, I would say that I have been giving it my best effort. But I also know there may be a better way to push that boulder around, and it wears me out trying to think or ask what it might be. Maybe my Master who told me to push the boulder in the first place has a better way? I’m all ears for that wisdom, if He would give it to me. In fact, I have sought His council repeatedly. But, I don’t hear from Him, and I feel until I do, it is up to me to bear down and keep pushing. But oh, how weary I have become. How discouraged I am, as I bear down and see very little movement of that blasted rock. But I keep pushing. I am committed to stay with what the Master has told me to do, although I fear I am starting to think it might be alright to walk away from it. Everything in me hurts. The pain I feel in pushing the boulder doesn’t go away. Can one man keep pushing the very thing that hurts him when his pain shouts “STOP! LEAVE IT! RUN AWAY!”? If I listened to that voice of discouragement, and agreed with it, I would be walking away from that boulder before you could blink your eyes. But somehow I know that I cannot trust that voice. I’m at a point that I am desperate for an assuring word, or a touch from my Master. I need to hear Him tell me again why I need to push this boulder up that terrible hill. Does it make a difference what I am doing, or am I wasting my life on a useless rock? Does He have a purpose that I do not see right now? Is it OK for me to ask Him for an answer to these questions, or am I to just keep bearing down and pushing? Most of all, I want to ask Him, ‘Will it ever end? Will I ever reach the top?’ A victory over that boulder is not why I continue to push it, although I would like to know there is a reason. But, if knowing the reason was the only way I would stay with it, what would that say to the Master about my trust in Him? I don’t know where that rock is going, or how it will be used. I just know deep down in me that I cannot give up. I must stay with it, and trust the Master’s plan. But, it is a challenge. As I look back on my life with this boulder and the hill I must ascend with it, I realize that the burden was not so challenging in the beginning. The fact is, I was pretty excited and arrogant when I joined the Master’s team and He pointed to the rock, and told me to push it. I jumped at the chance. When I first went to the rock, it was small, light, and the grade was level. It required very little effort on my part to push it. I thought my life with the Master was a piece of cake, and I could take on anything. However, over the years the boulder has grown massive, and the uphill grade daunting. The boulder is now bigger than me, and I have grown very weary in straining against it. It creates more questions in me that I would like to ask the Master. Have I grown weaker with age, or am I given something bigger than I should be trying to push, or is it because I have grown stronger that You, the Master, have now allowed my challenge to be greater? The fact is, I do complain because I am weary and discouraged. But, I am still able to make one step at a time everyday, and I see a little movement of the boulder up the hill. It causes me to wonder if I will ever conquer the hill and this boulder? “Conquer.” That is a thought I have not had in a long time. At first I thought the uphill grade would quickly end, and I would find myself at the top of the hill. To look back and say that I had conquered it was something I really looked forward to. But now, I think the hill will never end, for I cannot see an end to it. In the past, there were some times of rest, as I reached a level spot in the road, and could back away and rest for a short while. But it didn’t last long. It was only a dip, a short reprieve, and it then went uphill again, with an even steeper grade. It is clear that the longer I have been at it, the burden has grown larger, the road steeper, and my steps more deliberate. But, I must conclude that I have also grown stronger, or else I could not do this. The question is, will my resolve to stay with the task stay equally strong, for I am so tired? A voice keeps asking me why I do it. Why do I keep pushing the boulder when it is so painful? I have only one answer. It is because of my love for my Master and His love for me. This is the thing that keeps me going. I must trust Him. I know His heart, and I know His love for me. He would never ask me to do anything that He doesn’t think I can do, even though I don’t think so myself. Sure, there are times He is silent. That in itself is a greater test to me than pushing the boulder. It is evident to me that His silence is a test to build my courage and fortitude, for I am real brave and strong when I hear Him clearly, but cowardly when He is silent. It is obvious that He wants me strong in all occasions, in all seasons of life, and in all circumstances. His silence makes me summon into my mind everything He has taught me when He did speak clearly to me, and I must go to those words and find my guidance, when His voice is silent. I guess I now understand what the man who responded to Jesus was asking of Him when he said, “I believe but help me overcome my unbelief.” With that boulder and me, I must also cry out to my Master: “I will push because you told me to. But help me overcome my weakness, so I can push even more.” That is my plan, and I have no other one. I have abandoned myself to Him, and I will trust Him absolutely. This is where the rock hits the road. Onward and upward I climb the hill with a boulder before me. One step at a time.” I hope this private message from a man who is putting his faith into action speaks words of encouragement to you. Know this: You are not alone in your struggle. Every one of us has to push some kind of boulder up a hill in our life. Just don’t give up and by walking away from it. Cry out to your Master and ask for the strength to keep pushing it. God is listening, and He will give you what is lacking if you ask Him for it. Keep pushing! Don’t give up! The hill is about to be conquered. You wait and see. Download file