Influencers Weekly Devotional
The Wounded Spirit
by
Rocky Fleming
“A person’s inner nature, what he possesses in the inner, spiritual part of his being, determines what he is tempted by on the outside. The temptation fits the true nature of the person being tempted and reveals the possibilities of his nature. Every person actually determines or sets the level of his own temptation, because temptation will come to him in accordance with the level of his controlling, inner nature.” Oswald Chambers – My Utmost for His Highest This morning I was awakened at 3:30 AM. It was an hour before I was to rise and go to the early morning prayer time I have with a few other men on Tuesday mornings. I miss my quiet times on Tuesday because of the early wake up time at 4:45 AM. So it was with a little pleasure that I got up earlier and had a time with my journal, the Bible, a devotional book I enjoy, and most of all, with the Lord. I started my time by reading this morning’s entry in My Utmost for His Highest. My eyes focused like a laser beam on the quote I have listed above. In a moment, I knew that I was being led to understand that I was reading insight into one of my deepest concerns, which is to understand why I react in ways that I often regret. As I read the words of the devotional Chambers wrote with his typical brilliance, it spoke directly to my heart with a thought I had never processed through before. Could it be that the “hot-spot” my adversary Satan can so easily hit and cause reaction to in my life, is in fact because it appeals to something in my nature? What is in my nature that he sees and goes for? I then began writing in my journal a list of things that I thought was the fallen nature in this man that might allow Satan to so easily speak to me and agitate me. Is it being a fighter, a confronter, or some other aggressive act or words that can escape me? Is that the nature? I have come to the point that I put a strong muzzle on my reactions, for they have shamed me more than once. The problem is, I still have them, and the suppression of these words builds up and eats away inside me, and that in itself creates frustration. No, I determined, those things are not the nature and spirit of my life. They are reactions of the nature Chambers speaks of. I’ve got to look deeper. So I dug deeper. If it is not these things that I had identified that make me an easy target for my enemy, could it be a myriad of fears that lay below the surface of my outside man? After all, Chambers said it is what lies there that tempts me on the outside of my life. No one sees those fears, and I know that they produce all kinds of negative reactions such as trying to over control things, or even excessive anger or reaction. What kind of fear issues do I currently have? I know I’ve had them, even though I kind of thought they were behind me. Fear of being misunderstood, of being mis-cast or abused? Fear of being ridiculed or bullied and not standing up against it? I thought of those old issues. I realize that we are all victims in some way from our childhood experiences. Like a lot of kids who are bullied, there is a high degree of self-shame that goes along with being a target, until there is a stand against it. Unfortunately in childhood or teenage years, it often takes a physical reaction, a fight, in order to answer the bullies in a language they understand. In an odd way by doing this, respect is given both from the bully, and to one’s owns self. It was like that for me. I was a victim of the bullies and when I finally reacted after a lot of self-shame, I stood over the hurting bullies who experienced my wrath feeling vindicated and even proud of myself. Respect was given, and the bullying stopped. The problem is, this created a change in me that reinforced that when attacked, I attack back, with wrath. This fear of being shamed and victimized became both a defense and an offense, and it caused me to do some bad things as I reacted. In the beginning of this acting out, it was a physical reaction. Later it changed to words and anger, and finally found its place of residence with frustration and inner turmoil because the stuff was still in me, but muzzled from being expressed. But, I thought those issues were behind me? Why do I have the same defensive alerts going off in me even to this day? I dug deeper into my fears and I found the one that is still with me. It is fear of again being betrayed by a friend or someone I trust. I know it is still there, for even though the last two betrayals have been several years ago, it was not too long ago to not have the pain and hurt laying below the surface of my life. Without realizing it my old instincts kick in when I sense betrayal is about to happen to me or to anyone that I hear being slandered, and I somehow return to the shame I felt when being bullied, requiring action to head it off. This morning, when I was able to see that this is what is happening in me, I knew I was on the right path. God was helping me understand why my supersensitive alert comes up, and it becomes something the enemy can easily manipulate to tempt me toward a reaction that leads to sin. But is this the nature in me that Satan is attacking? Is it this fear of being betrayed that is in my nature that Chambers is talking about, or is something else that causes this fear? I prayed and asked God to show me. Here is what I learned. God spoke to my heart and told me that I have a wounded spirit within me that causes these things I mentioned, and the enemy has exploited this wound that I’ve carried in me for a long time. He also told me it is time that it be healed, and that is why He woke me up early to begin the process. He also told me to be very transparent with the issue and process of healing, for everyone has a wounded spirit in some way, and it is that wounded nature within the person that Satan tempts most. I need to be transparent for there are many people who will find freedom and strength against some of their temptations once the Lord heals their wound, and my revelation should be shared to help them. A few hours later in my prayer group I shared this information I am sharing with you and immediately tears flowed in one man’s eyes as he also heard what he had been seeking. He also suddenly realized that he has a wounded spirit within him that makes him react and give some terrible responses. Later that day, I shared with one of our Board members the same information, and he too realized that he has some wounds that need to be addressed, for they have also made him react in ways that is unlike what he wants. Later, I began to ask, “Lord if this is an open wound, and I see clearly that it is, how is it to be healed. You are the Master Healer and I need You to help me know what I should do?” Here are the things He led me to see:- Healing the wound begins with forgiveness of the offender. This was no surprise for me to hear this. I’ve read it over and over in the Bible. And, I had pronounced forgiveness over the men who hurt me many times. I have even asked God to bless them instead of holding their sin against me against them. So I asked why it is that even though I have done this, there is still an open wound? He led me to understand that it is because there is something else required. The next step:
- Yield to God’s Sovereignty. God asked me if I believe that He is sovereign over all things in my life. I said yes, and truly believe that He is. He then asked me if He was any less sovereign over my life when the men who hurt me did what they did several years ago? Obviously, I cannot have one without the other, so I had to admit He was sovereign then as well. He then asked me if the outcome of what they did ultimately hurt me or blessed me? This was easy, for I can see that the action of these men although with evil intentions, both redefined and redirected my life, in that it ultimately turned out for my good. In other words, there was hurt but no harm. Sure I had anger and hurt and a desire to attack the bullies, which is my wounded spirit instinct. But God told me to wait, watch and trust Him, and not take matters into my own hands. Sure enough, the outcome did more for me, and blessed me beyond my ability to understand at the time, and could not see in the years to come. Those particular acts of betrayals and their efforts to undermine me did not find their mark, but instead were used by God to birth me into something of great, great value. And then God asked me again, “If I was sovereign then, did I use the ruthless behavior of these men for My purpose to bless you, while keeping you from harm?” I could see that He did. He then instructed, “In order for your wound to heal, and it not be an area of open agitation any more, you now must praise Me for what was done that opened that wound in the first place, along with asking me to bless those men. I could now see that there was a step beyond my prayer for the men. I also needed to get a better view of how God is involved even in the worst of times in our life. As bad as it might appear, He can and will make good out of these wounds given to us, if we will allow Him to walk us through the process of healing. Realizing His sovereign authority over even the bad things that come our way was an essential step toward healing the wound, I then asked the Lord if this is all that is needed for my wound to heal. He said there is another step.
- Rest on the First Two Points. God told me that a wound takes time to heal and that I must be patient. As with any physical wound when being treated, it has to be identified, medicated, bandaged, protected, and given time to heal. The process of healing a wound in one’s spirit begins with identifying what it is and how it came about. Therefore, we should spend time seeking an answer to this by meditation and prayer. If we seek an answer from God, He will reveal it. Next, we must medicate the wound we have uncovered with our forgiveness of the offender. This is a necessary act that begins the healing process. Sometimes it is bitter medicine to swallow, but it is essential for us to begin seeing things God’s way, and this is how He treats us. Along with this act of obedience to God is the need to fasten onto what we truly believe about God’s sovereignty in our life. This becomes the bandage over the wound. This makes the wound less sensitive to the touch of the enemy. It isolates it from him until it fully heals. Next is the need to rest and wait for the healing. The wound will not heal immediately. It will take time, but it will begin healing immediately, and it will eventually form into a scar that is stronger than before the wound. It is this scar, the new “strength” we will have, that God will use once the wound is healed. He will use this scar to His glory and you will see as I have, that even the wound you were given will work for good in many ways.