Influencers Weekly Devotional
Good Grief! by
Rocky Fleming
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 - ESV
When I was growing up as a kid in Mississippi, we often used a phrase that expressed astonishment. It was “Good Grief!” Now if it were really a major event, being from Mississippi and talking “real English” like a Southerner does, like most of my friends I would accentuate the words by saying “Guuuuuud Grief! The word “good” could be stretched out up to 5 seconds to drive home our astonishment. Little wonder Southerners think there is something missing with non-southern English. It just lacks impact in describing something, and is why most of us keep to our roots, even though we get laughed at a lot. Gaaaaa-lay, why would people do that? As good as this description is, I wonder where it comes from and how grief can really be good? Can there really be a good grief, when it seems that all grief is painful? For example, only this morning I spoke to a woman who had just buried her husband of 49 years. In her eyes I could see her grief. It was unresolved feelings with losing her mate, her lover, the father of her children, and her best friend. She is longing for him. She is missing part of her life now, and she knows it will never return. Can this kind of grief be good? What good can come from it? Today another kind of grief walked into my life. It's nothing like this woman's, but it hurts just the same. My wife and I will see our daughter and her family moving half a continent away from us, as her husband joins a church planting network there. I am very happy to know they will be serving my King and are following His invitation to serve Him in this new location. But, in responding to this opportunity, they take with them our hearts. We will miss a major part of their lives, and the lives of their two children who will grow up with us only visiting them from time to time. We grieve over this. It is a very difficult journey ahead for us and the question, “How can this be good?” could easily invade our joy if we allow it. Likewise, a few weeks ago, I was with a man who is grieving the loss of his family, as a divorce has broken them up. Then there is the family who is missing a wife and mother from their life, as she must now serve time in prison because she broke the law. These people are grieving, and I don't think they would say what they are going through is good. And again, in the same week, I spoke to a couple who is ministering to a mother and father whose son is in prison because of poor choices he made. The parents are grieving with and for their son, and I don't think they would say that it is a “good” grief. So, how can grief be turned into something good? I think the answer is not found with avoiding the circumstances that produce grief, for grief will eventually catch up to us all. When it does, we are humans and grief is a response that is part of our created nature. Even the perfect Christ grieved as an example of His humanity. He had feelings and was not ashamed to show them. God created grief to be a process we go through for adapting to a sad change that has come into our life, and if it is not embraced and allowed to work in us, we will have an open wound that will debilitate our future life. Grief might seem to be bad at the moment. But, it is necessary, and without going through it, the bad will remain in us and will cause us to lose a part of our life, which would be far worse than the grief itself. But good grief? Is there such a thing? Look what John Piper says, and maybe we can start to distinguish how good grief comes about:"It takes moral courage to grieve; it requires religious courage to rejoice" John Piper
Grief will knock on all our doors sooner or later, and how we embrace it and respond to it produces the good grief we hope for. This is a path we follow that turns our tears into rejoicing and our rejoicing into joy. However, it starts with our perspective. Piper mentions the word “religious” courage. One could imagine what would be required to have this kind of courage. I believe religious courage begins with a step of faith, and this faith is founded on God's love for us, and His good plans for our life. For instance, do you believe what the Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8:28 …..“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose?”
Doesn't it make sense in order to face a sad situation that causes us grief, we are comforted in believing God has a plan in place, and the situation we are in will eventually work for good in our life? To believe this when we are in the grief process requires a religious courage which is found only with our hope in God and His good plan. And, by believing in God's promises to us, we can also know that there will be a return of our laughter, a smile will return to our face, and there is hope behind the veil of darkness that presently overwhelms us. It is this hope that breaks through and creates a good grief in our life, and causes us to embrace it in a way that it becomes a blessing rather than a perceived curse. I understand firsthand how it can become a blessing, if we will allow God to walk us through the grief process. I grew up with a Dad who I saw cry only once, and that is when his Dad died. After all, “Real men don't cry, right?”, or so we were told. Since I was only seven years old at the time, I had a free pass with my tears and didn't feel like a sissy. But, I had enough savvy to know that what I was seeing with my father was also permitted, for he was a man's man in every way. Watching him weep over his father's casket was the beginning for me in seeing the process of grief in action, as I saw my father embrace it and work through it. Twenty two years later, I was weeping over his casket as they laid his body beneath the ground in the same cemetery where my grandparents were buried. My grief process lasted almost two years, as the bitter sweet memories of my times with him and the hope of heaven for both of us, inspired the necessary religious courage to turn it to good grief. You see, it was also the time that God invited me to an intimacy with Him I had never experienced before. I will never forget that September night in Mississippi after I had raced to his home after my father's death in an industrial accident. All my family was inside the house comforting each other. I needed space and walked alone to the garden he had grown during the summer. Being alone, I could really belt out my agony. While doing so I asked God, “What will I do without my Daddy? I still need him in my life.” Not expecting an answer, I was surprised by the gentle comfort that fell over me. As I knelt in the grass that night and bowed my head, I heard words spoken to my heart as never before. I heard, “I will be your Daddy from now on.” When I left the field and went into the house, everyone sensed I had been given a new hope and comfort, and my grief had turned to a good grief. For the next two years, I grew in my fellowship and intimacy with Christ proportionately with the comfort I received from Him in the grief process I went through. Indeed, God gave me a good grief and I came to understand something I had never known before that time. I never knew that another name for God in the Bible is Abba, which means Daddy. From that night on, God became my Abba as He promised, and it is the relational foundation with Him I stand on 36 years later. Indeed, all things work for good, even grief, if we love God and we are His child. Someone who is reading this devotional is likely going through some kind of grief process. Maybe this is why God inspired me to write this particular devotional on grief. It is meant for you. If this is true in your life, then accept a clear message God is sending to you. He is telling you that He loves you, and He will help you get through this time, if you will lean into Him. I'm praying for you, for you must be very special to Him, and you need to know it. Also, as a final word of encouragement, embrace this grief you are facing, and allow God to embrace you. Before long you may be given another very special gift and start speaking Southern-eze when you cry out, “Guuuuud Grief! I can't believe how great my life has become!” Now wouldn't that be a good thing?- This devotional is dedicated to our friends Larry and Cathy Pharo on the anniversary of their son Eddie's death. May your joy continue, as you lean into your Savior Jesus.