When Trust in a Friend is Lost

When Trust in a Friend is Lost

By Rocky Fleming

“For it is not an enemy who taunts me— then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God's house we walked in the throng.” Psalms 55:12-14

In Ecclesiastes 4:9 we read that two are better than one, for if one of them falls,the friend who hasn't fallen is there to lift his brother up. We lift our brother up in many ways, such as physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes he can't see through his tears or anger or hurt, and it will cause him to make bad choices. He needs us during this time to be his perspective, and keep him from making rash decisions he would regret. Simply put, we are there when he needs us. It is a beautiful support structure God creates for His man with a friend, and it needs to be guarded and nurtured, for the enemy will try to disrupt it. However, there are times when Satan will try to create division within a friendship. It is a strategic work of his to do this, for in doing so,he weakens the strength that this friendship provides each man. It takes two to protect this relationship.Sometimes, contention continues, even though one friend does all he can to keep it healthy. When this happens, we must rely onour friendship with Christ. Though we feel the needto walk away from a friend who has hurt us, we reallyneed to “be Christ” to this man, in hopes that he will return. In the passage above,David, the author, is having to deal with a friendship challenge of whichI speak. Undoubtedly,it was a close relationship. These are the worst kind of breaks to work through, for there are deep emotions involved. I can't list all the specifics of what causes strife between friends. Most of the time,the biggest challenge comes because of some sort of betrayal that occurred. I say “some sort,” for there are many kinds. Whether it is an outright scheming plot against a friend to hurt him deeply or a betrayal of confidence, the root cause is still the same. It is a betrayal of trust, and trust is the sacred tie that binds a friendship together. Once trust has been violated, it is hard to recover what is lost in a friendship. Therefore, it is essential that trust be restored if possible, or the friendship will decay before your eyes. What does it mean to “be Christ” to a friend in whom you have lost? The answer is simple. It is answered by asking,“How has Christ has been Christ to me?” Christ has been Christ to me by washing my dirty feet of sin and corruption. He has not asked me to earn Hisreward of forgiveness. He has not demanded that I clean up my life first before He will love me. He has seen me betray Him by my attitude and ungodly behavior. I am totally guilty of being forgiven by him of the great debt I have to Him, only to figuratively fall on one who has a small sin against me and demand justice. I am so grateful that I am not treated by Christ the way I treat others, or else I would be in desperate shape. However,He is not impressed with me simply recognizing my guilt. A sincere case of recognition of sin is a good start, but it changes nothing. He is delighted when I “am Christ” to a man who,in my mind,doesn't deserve my forgiveness. He is delighted when I can look beyond it, and seek to delight Him over my own sense of fairness, because it is the way He has treated me. Yes, when loss of trust in a friend occurs it is a hard thing to “be Christ” to him. But it brings delight to Christ. What about the trust issue? Doesn't it require work on both parties to get it back? Certainly it does. But it has to start with one man who is willing to see things through Christ's perspective, and usually,it is the one who was offended. If the offender isn't willing to do the same, hopefully,he eventually will because of the powerful prayers of his friend who continues to hold his friend up before the Lord. You see, this is where Ecclesiastes 4:9 is applied to the one who has fallen and is lifted up by the other. I tell you, this is something a natural man cannot do on his own, for emotions will misguide us all the time. Instead, it requires a man led by the Spirit of God to “be Christ” to his friend during a time like this. It is hard, but it can be done, and the rewards are worth it. That's the good news for which we all hope. Do all you can do to save a friendship that has been wounded. However,sometimes, even though we do all we can do in “being Christ” to a friend, it doesn't always work out. I would like to say that all my friendships have been restored once trust has been violated. The truth is some have not, for I could not find the trust needed for it to sustain. Regrettably, some friendships simply faded away, and there was no way to salvage them. Sometimes,a friendship is more detrimental to our spiritual and emotional health than it is beneficial. When it comes to this point, consider the greater good. When a damaged friendship becomes a breeding ground of contention that leads to sin, then get away from it. Don't think you must stay with a friendship that tempts you to sin in your anger. Your friendship with Christ and being at peace with Him is far more important than staying loyal to a man. If a day comes when you must make the decision to be loyal to a friend or loyal to Christ, release the friendship and allow God to bring it back if He desires. Remember, just because there are fractured feelings, it is important to continue “being Christ” by the way you handle your words and your old friend's reputation. This is a time the enemy will have a heyday with you and your friend's life. Make sure Christ is honored, even to the end. If malice toward an ex-friend remains, sin will remain also. Do not allow it, for nothing is worth the hindrance this causes in your friendship with Christ. Whether your friendship is restored or not, let all you say and do still honor the remembrance of the friendship you once had, and your King will be delighted.